My Walk on the Wild Side
It was the final week of a year that almost broke many people around the world. I was one of the lucky ones in 2020, or so it felt to me. My health was good. My business was growing. My family was happy. But something was still missing in my life.
Three days before Christmas I had a call with Hannah, the young woman with whom I would be working in January. She is the adult daughter of my close friends. I’ve known her for more than five years but we had never had a serious conversation. She was nice enough, and pleasant but there was something that had kept her from getting too close to me all this time.
I knew what it was, this unspoken thing forming a wall between us. I could feel her looking at me when I was in the den with her parents and she was coming in or leaving the house. A quick “hello” without making eye contact and then she was gone. I had attempted to engage her in conversation on a number of occasions. The last time was two years ago at the park when the non-profit I volunteer with had a picnic. Before I could say hello she slipped away and I didn’t see her again that afternoon.
Hannah didn’t want to be around me because I reminded her of herself in twenty-five years or so — overweight and alone. When I got home from the picnic I undressed and stood in front of my full length mirror. How did I get to where I was? I was thinking this out loud and sat down on the cool tile floor and cried.
That was in the fall of 2019. I was now committed to losing weight and turning my health around. I would make it a goal for 2020. Not a resolution, mind you. A goal. A goal to be well thought out, pondered, and set in place. A goal that was different than a dream. A dream without a plan is simply a wish. My goal to lose one hundred pounds during 2020 would be a goal with a plan. My dream could be realized. After spending a full week in planning for the new year, setting goals, reviewing previous goals and achievements, and finally getting it all just the way I wanted it, I closed my legal size planner and went to bed.
January came and went in a flash. My business was doing very well. I was publishing yet another book. Everything seemed to be falling into place, but one thing was still gnawing away at me. February arrived with a welcome rainstorm and unwanted heavy winds. Each day I…
