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Losing My Focus and How I Found My Way Back Again
I didn’t want to admit it to anyone, especially not to myself. For weeks I pretended that everything was alright and as it had been before. But down deep I knew something was very wrong. Losing my focus felt like I was losing my mind.
It was worse than death because I was living through it each moment of every day and could not escape its grip. My mind would wander and I would exert every ounce of determination and mental toughness I could muster to pull it back in. It was as though I was fishing off the pier and was attempting to reel in the biggest fish ever caught, only to have said fish bite through the line and laugh as I pulled up a piece of seaweed.
My sleep was affected first. Then the crazy dreams came and sleep no longer seemed as attractive. Even when I napped I would fixate on the colors and shapes I could see in my mind’s eye and believed I was seeing images that resembled a silent movie. Some of these little movies were innocent enough and others frightened me because I knew they had originated from my own thoughts so I would jump up and forego any rest I was going to get that day. A sleep deprived person gets off track very quickly, sometimes within 48 hours. I had lost my way and needed to find it again to make sense of what was happening around me and all over the world.
